Thoughts On Communication
Hi it's Dave and this week I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on communication
In Britain today there are some 64
million people all running around thinking, and those 64 million thoughts at
any time are shaping 64 million dramas and helping to create 64 million
destinies. Now I ask you this question - with all those thoughts trying to
control things is it any wonder that the UK is in such a turbulent mess?
Never before in the history of mankind have we humans done so much thinking.
We are living in an “experiential”
world. Everyone wants experience and
they want it now!
This constant search for
experience has created a whole new industry called quite simply “experiential marketing”.
No longer is it sufficient to run
a 30 second radio advert or TV commercial! There has to be something more, something
deeper. The seller has to create a multi- dimensional strategy, otherwise they
will fail to bring their new product to market in a successful way.
This demand for experience has
recently been illuminated by the phenomenal growth of the Blogging
industry. No longer is creating a simple
advert and sitting back acceptable – today’s consumer is looking for additional
experiences of the product hence the growth of diverse media platforms such as You
Tube; Twitter; Pinterest; Snapchat and Instagram to name but a few.
It would appear that the majority
of these newly devised experiential marketing companies who are now self
appointed specialist in branding are exclusivy controlled and run by women and
this prompts the question why?
In response to this question I am
prompted to say that the reason women seem to excel in the experiential marketing
industry is simply because they are excellent communicators.
This leads me to my next point which
is - what is the purpose of communication and why do we communicate with each
other? To get some answers to this I conducted a brief survey and from the
results I was able to compile a list.
The list goes :-
to learn
to connect
to express feelings
to get something done
to express fear
to make ourselves understood
to not be alone
to promote understanding
to make decisions
to inform
to resolve conflicts
to meet social needs
to persuade
The list goes :-
to learn
to connect
to express feelings
to get something done
to express fear
to make ourselves understood
to not be alone
to promote understanding
to make decisions
to inform
to resolve conflicts
to meet social needs
to persuade
So let us drill down into each of
these and see if we can discover the commonality between each answer
To learn - why?
We want to gain more understanding -why?
so that we can feel good about ourselves.
To connect - why?
to relate with another human being - why?
To share the experience of connection - why?
to feel good.
To express feelings - why?
to rid ourselves of anger - why?
To learn - why?
We want to gain more understanding -why?
so that we can feel good about ourselves.
To connect - why?
to relate with another human being - why?
To share the experience of connection - why?
to feel good.
To express feelings - why?
to rid ourselves of anger - why?
to feel good.
To express love - why?
to gain love back - why?
to feel good.
To get something done - why?
to feel good
So maybe you can see where this is going. The essence of communication is most likely the desire to feel good about oneself.
So maybe you can see where this is going. The essence of communication is most likely the desire to feel good about oneself.
As part of my research I also spoke
to a number of people about my theory and the majority understood where I was
going and what I was talking about,
BUT there was one
particular lady who decided that whilst it was possible that communication at
sometime was designed to help us feel good.
There were other times, and this
is where she began to quote Eckhart Tolle at me, where “the pain bodies” as she
put it, take over and then it was impossible to feel good.
I began to explain to her that my belief was that the theory of pain bodies stopping you feeling good was not quite correct. The whole purpose of pain bodies is for them to make you feel pain and if that is correct then they will feel good at making you feel pain.
So then the purpose of communication is the opposite of making you feel good and is to make you feel bad.
I began to explain to her that my belief was that the theory of pain bodies stopping you feeling good was not quite correct. The whole purpose of pain bodies is for them to make you feel pain and if that is correct then they will feel good at making you feel pain.
So then the purpose of communication is the opposite of making you feel good and is to make you feel bad.
This process, in turn, makes the
pain body “feel good” so that is confirming my theory that the purpose of
communication is to feel good.
Now let us take a look at inter-personal
communication!
There is something very dangerous
that we can utilise to hurt another person and that is our mouth.
All the parts of the body get
weaker as we grow older with the exception of the mouth – as we all know old
people can talk for ages and their mouths never seem to get tired.
However we often find that we
don’t talk properly – to get things done we have to learn how to talk to people
skilfully, in a way that creates peace and harmony.
We must learn NOT to talk too much
because this can create problems for other people. I am sure you have heard the phrase “Empty
vessels make the most noise”. Naturally,
it follows that if you talk less then you listen more. So this prompts a question
How many people actually know how to listen effectively?
It is important to make sure that
when you talk, someone is listening and similarly when someone else is talking,
you are listening. Silence is very
important because it is through being silent that we learn the most.
If you want to create a strategic
advantage when someone has been scolding you – just allow a gap of 20 to 30
seconds after they finish speaking before you say anything. This time will force them to reflect on what
they have just said. Used properly silence is an extremely powerful too
Silence = Mindfulness / Awareness /
Sensitivity
Establish Kindness before you speak
This
brings forth so much more from other people.
The other person realises that they are being valued and listened
to. It is a fact that if you continue to
see good things in someone eventually they will begin to see them in
themselves. Use the right time and place
to give praise!
Children
Have
you ever listened to children talking together – it is often critical and some
would say – hurtful.
Have
you ever listened to the way teachers talk to children? – it is often critical
Have
you ever listened to parents talking to their children? – it is often critical
As a
result children hear so much criticism and such little praise is it any wonder
that they disappear to the solace of their own room and take comfort in cyber
love?
It is
often the case that a child has so much criticism and pressure, that they have
dimished self esteem and consider themselves to be lacking in self worth.
As
adults, there are several things that we
can do to help ease that situation for our children.
We can
Make an
effort to praise them
Respect
them and their right to privacy
Ask for
and then respect their viewpoints on things
Keep a
note of how many times you actually praise your children compared to how many
times you criticise them and point our their faults.
The watchwords
here are Praise / Respect / Kindness
And
now, one final point on this subject of Communication –
Gossip should be a No Go Area – “If you can’t say something nice – Keep Quiet”
ooo000ooo
If this post has prompted any questions,
then please feel free to add them as a comment in the box below or to email
me:- underblueskies@europe.com
About Dave I am a
coach; speaker; radio presenter and founder of The Blue Sky Company. I am
also a therapist and co-own a virtual light centre called The Crystal Spring. My
therapy work includes music therapy; reiki; crystal therapy
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