Hi and welcome to Becoming More Assertive, the latest blog post from Altered Image Coaching.
Recently it has been shown that people who lack confidence rely very heavily on what are known as passive and aggressive behaviours.
If you demonstrate these behavioural tendencies, It is likely that within your past or present life you have been given the “You have no right to be assertive!” dictate.
So it becomes necessary to replace this with your own set of rights and they are as follows:-
The right to change/become assertive
The right to be independent
The right to privacy
The right to change your mind
The right to be successful
The right not to understand something
The right make a choice
The right to make your own decisions
The right not to have to justify anything you say
The right to hold an opinion/emotions/feelings
The right to ask for what you want
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Moving on - I have had people ask me recently “how can I become more assertive?” To that question my answer is that you have to be certain that you know what your needs actually are and then put them before others.
However, to determine these needs requires an element of personal scrutiny:-
A) what sets you “off”?
what is the reason why it sets you off?
If you are sure this is reasonable then you should make these reasons public.
Let us consider “lateness” as an example
If you see a colleague being consistently late you need to calmly explain to them why being late for a meeting causes you a problem. It is surprising how many battles can be avoided by this approach.
B) when you ask something of someone be confident that you are asking for the right reason (especially if it is reasonable)
C) Be a good listener
By listening to what the other person is saying you can stop miscommunication before it happens. Listening enables you to build a better relationship because you will be able to state your expectations clearly.
Listening allows you to hear clues and then create a win-win situation.
D) Offer alternatives - You don’t really need to be a p.i.t.a (pain in the….) - Come up with options that will work for each of you
E) Stay calm, cool and collected – losing it is uncool and makes you look foolish
F) Take responsibility – you can do this – they are your thoughts and actions even if it means saying no.
G) repeat/repeat - you can often say the same thing in different ways until you get your message across to the other person – this clearly shows where the boundaries and that they need to be repeated.
However,
Before you can become effectively more assertive you have to be crystal clear in your own mind about what you want to achieve.
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Affirmations Blogging BLOGGING TIPS Blog Traffic Books Recommendations Change Your Life coffee break ideas SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
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I hold qualifications in each of the following disciplines:-
Life Coaching (Honours Diploma)
Music Therapy (Diploma)
Crystal Therapy (Practioner)
Reiki (Practitioner)
Dementia Awareness
In addition to the above I am compiling a series of short videos that will provide an
Introduction To Mindfulness
LINKS
