WE ARE ALL GETTING OLDER
PART 2
Photo by Dave Baxter M.A.S.C.(life coach)
What Is Holding You Back?
Hi and welcome to this latest post from Altered Image Coaching. I am Dave B. Life Coach, Musician, Author, Husband, Dad and much more.
Over the next 3 weeks (I think) I will be continuing to take a look into something that is happening to us all, every day of every week, of every month of every year. It is something that all of us do.....we get older!
Most people assume that they are unhappy because of something external, they don't understand that their overall contentment is not casual, it is a manner of perception. So when we go to craft ideas of what our best lives would look like, we focus on what pretty pictures would ease our internal discomfort, rather than the actual solutions to what is actually going on.So with that said let us take a look at some examples of how we are being held back on life's journey
You Want Your Life To Be Different Than It Is, But You Don't Want To Do Anything To Change It!
This situation occurs because you hold a belief somewhere in your subconscious that someone will do it for you and you are looking for solutions externally.
Someone else will save you / someone will show you the way.
It is imperative that you understand that only you are responsible for your "journey," even though somebody can give you the map. If people have an under-developed sense of self — they don't feel that they can take responsibility for themselves so rather than try, they just wait around for someone else to fix it like they always have done in the past.
You are too lax with your routines!
You do not have enough sleep or you do not drink enough water. You do other things rather than pushing yourself to work on a project in the time that you have allowed. You then become so lax with your schedule that you end up not actually accomplishing the things you want to do because you are more preoccupied with how you want to feel in the short-term.
You Are Being Too Structured With Your Routine
True love is about making sacrifices that do not feel like sacrifices. When you love someone truly, your desires or opinions or preferences may not come first all of the time, but it does not feel like this is a taxing, negative or almost unbearable duty. There are times when you are more than happy to give and this is when people get confused.
Sometimes people remain friends with people they would rather not be associated with because of obligation. They fail to realize that maintaining any relationship that is fake under the guise of obligation and love is keeping them from ever really finding true love.
You Are In Love With Outcomes, Not Processes
When you imagine your dream life, it consists of how things look, rather than the day-to-day functions and responsibilities it takes to get them that way. In reality the only way to create the life you truly want is to fall in love with the process, the every day.
However, many people will not do this is because it almost always requires them to rethink what they truly value and or desire. This means that it is a must to let go of the false and grandiose idea of what life could be that is in proportion to how insecure, helpless or judged you feel it is.
You Operate On A Belief That You Don't Actually Agree With Or Believe In
You have "assumed" something must be true because everybody else seems to believe it is.
The word believe consists of "be" and "live." If you are not feeling comfortable with or you do not choose to "be" and "live" whatever it is you claim to believe in, then it is likely that you probably do not believe it as much as you think you do. You like what you assume it can do for you and/or the image you choose to hold of yourself.
You Engage With People Who Infuriate You But You Can Not Figure Out Why
This often happens when you do not feel secure or comfortable enough to express how you really feel. You often engage with these people because you care about them, or you have to, but as yet you have not reached the point where you can calmly and effectively communicate what you need to say in a way they will be receptive to.
You Refuse To Rewrite The Rules Your Parents Or Society Put In Your Head
You know they these rules do not apply, or that they do not actually help. However, rather than understand that you can re-write the terms and conditions of your existence, you simply follow along with whatever was implanted out of an obligation to other people. You place this obligation higher than an obligation to yourself.
You Don't Take Enough Me Time
Your mind is constantly bogged down with the thoughts and energies of other people . You often end up feeling like nothing more than the reflection of all the roles you play for other people, because you have never had to genuinely stand "alone", for whatever reason.
I contend that people who are afraid of taking a healthy amount of alone time do not want to hear what they have to say to themselves. As a result this leads to them to a position where they are adopting everyone else's thoughts as their own.
You Are Always Trying To Work Out What You Are Meant To Do.
Trying to figure out what you are "meant to do" is about as effective as trying to identify who "the one" is before you start dating them.
This is exactly what people do when they are so afraid of failing that they are not willing to actually try.
When you focus too much on the idea of how things should be, you start losing the concept of how they are. Not everything will be picturesque, and that is a reality that often you will be grateful for. Happiness is how you create the pieces of a life that feels good to you, not how closely you adhere to the ideas and images of life that other people desire.
When You're Uncertain, You Seek Advice From Lots Of Friends
Feelings of uncertainty are not a call to ask everyone you know for their opinions. Doing that not only feeds the problem it also confuses the issue. Feeling uncertain is a call to truly listen to what you are saying to yourself and not further disconnect from the inner voice based on what other people perceive.
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This situation occurs because you hold a belief somewhere in your subconscious that someone will do it for you and you are looking for solutions externally.
Someone else will save you / someone will show you the way.
It is imperative that you understand that only you are responsible for your "journey," even though somebody can give you the map. If people have an under-developed sense of self — they don't feel that they can take responsibility for themselves so rather than try, they just wait around for someone else to fix it like they always have done in the past.
You are too lax with your routines!
You do not have enough sleep or you do not drink enough water. You do other things rather than pushing yourself to work on a project in the time that you have allowed. You then become so lax with your schedule that you end up not actually accomplishing the things you want to do because you are more preoccupied with how you want to feel in the short-term.
You Are Being Too Structured With Your Routine
On the other hand, you could be failing to give yourself any space to procrastinate, to fail, to take a break, or to open up to new possibilities that you had not considered previously. This is as bad as being too lax. Remember you are a person
not a robot!
You Do Things From Obligation And Call It "Love"
not a robot!
You Do Things From Obligation And Call It "Love"
True love is about making sacrifices that do not feel like sacrifices. When you love someone truly, your desires or opinions or preferences may not come first all of the time, but it does not feel like this is a taxing, negative or almost unbearable duty. There are times when you are more than happy to give and this is when people get confused.
Sometimes people remain friends with people they would rather not be associated with because of obligation. They fail to realize that maintaining any relationship that is fake under the guise of obligation and love is keeping them from ever really finding true love.
You Are In Love With Outcomes, Not Processes
When you imagine your dream life, it consists of how things look, rather than the day-to-day functions and responsibilities it takes to get them that way. In reality the only way to create the life you truly want is to fall in love with the process, the every day.
However, many people will not do this is because it almost always requires them to rethink what they truly value and or desire. This means that it is a must to let go of the false and grandiose idea of what life could be that is in proportion to how insecure, helpless or judged you feel it is.
You Operate On A Belief That You Don't Actually Agree With Or Believe In
You have "assumed" something must be true because everybody else seems to believe it is.
The word believe consists of "be" and "live." If you are not feeling comfortable with or you do not choose to "be" and "live" whatever it is you claim to believe in, then it is likely that you probably do not believe it as much as you think you do. You like what you assume it can do for you and/or the image you choose to hold of yourself.
You Engage With People Who Infuriate You But You Can Not Figure Out Why
This often happens when you do not feel secure or comfortable enough to express how you really feel. You often engage with these people because you care about them, or you have to, but as yet you have not reached the point where you can calmly and effectively communicate what you need to say in a way they will be receptive to.
You Refuse To Rewrite The Rules Your Parents Or Society Put In Your Head
You know they these rules do not apply, or that they do not actually help. However, rather than understand that you can re-write the terms and conditions of your existence, you simply follow along with whatever was implanted out of an obligation to other people. You place this obligation higher than an obligation to yourself.
You Don't Take Enough Me Time
Your mind is constantly bogged down with the thoughts and energies of other people . You often end up feeling like nothing more than the reflection of all the roles you play for other people, because you have never had to genuinely stand "alone", for whatever reason.
I contend that people who are afraid of taking a healthy amount of alone time do not want to hear what they have to say to themselves. As a result this leads to them to a position where they are adopting everyone else's thoughts as their own.
You Are Always Trying To Work Out What You Are Meant To Do.
Trying to figure out what you are "meant to do" is about as effective as trying to identify who "the one" is before you start dating them.
This is exactly what people do when they are so afraid of failing that they are not willing to actually try.
When you focus too much on the idea of how things should be, you start losing the concept of how they are. Not everything will be picturesque, and that is a reality that often you will be grateful for. Happiness is how you create the pieces of a life that feels good to you, not how closely you adhere to the ideas and images of life that other people desire.
When You're Uncertain, You Seek Advice From Lots Of Friends
Feelings of uncertainty are not a call to ask everyone you know for their opinions. Doing that not only feeds the problem it also confuses the issue. Feeling uncertain is a call to truly listen to what you are saying to yourself and not further disconnect from the inner voice based on what other people perceive.
So that concludes this week's piece from We Are All Getting Older I hope that you found it interesting and useful.
BUT THEN THE MONTHS FLY BY!!
Please join me next week for part 3 of this piece.
If you find that these points have raised any questions please feel free to drop them to me in an email - devonlifecoach@mail.com
Thank you for reading this post, I hope that you have found it interesting and that it will be useful to you going forwards.
So until the next time have a fantastic week and I will speak to you again soon.
DAve x
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About Dave I am a personal development coach; a therapist; speaker; and radio presenter. A number of years ago I founded my coaching practice and although it has gone through various incarnations the core of Altered Image Coaching has always remained the same to help and encourage people to live their best lives.
Certifications
I hold qualifications in each of the following disciplines:-
Life Coaching (Honours Diploma)
Music Therapy (Diploma)
Crystal Therapy (Practioner)
Reiki (Practitioner)
Dementia Awareness
In addition to the above I am compiling a series of short videos that will provide an
Introduction To Mindfulness
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Keep an eye open for the 2023 Workbook (7)
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Have a fantastic day, live a life of Passion and Power.
And again, above all remember
"Don't Predict The Future - CREATE IT!"
DAve x
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