A Different Look at Self Esteem

Self esteem is the relationship that you have with yourself, you might say it is the way that you talk to yourself behind closed doors, where no-one can hear you.

How do you talk to yourself?  Are you kind to yourself?  Do you talk to yourself respectfully?

So let us look a little more deeply at some of the rubbish that we allow ourselves to say internally.

Listen closely to how you talk to yourself.  Do you call yourself names or bury yourself in ‘should’ statements? There are many dysfunctional ways of thinking that we call all be caught by. It is important to avoid the most common thinking traps that I have listed below:-

Should, Must or Ought

You tell yourself how you “should”, “must”, or “ought” to feel and behave. However, this is NOT how you actually feel or behave. The result is that you are constantly anxious and disappointed with yourself and/or with others around you.

Imagining Catastrophic Situations

In this scenario we always imagine that the worst possible thing is about to happen, and predict that we will not be able to cope with the outcome. However, the imagined worst-case scenario usually never happens and even if it did, we are often able to cope with it.

Filtering

This is when we only pay attention to the bad things that happen and ignore all the good things we are filtering information. This prevents us from looking objectively at all the aspects of a situation and drawing a more balanced conclusion.

Over-estimating danger

This is when we believe that something which is unlikely to happen is actually right around the corner. It is easy to see how this type of thinking can maintain our anxiety. For example, how can you not feel scared if you think that you could have a heart attack any time?

Labelling

Sometimes we talk to ourselves in mean ways and use a single negative word to describe ourselves. This kind of thinking is both unhelpful and unfair. We are too complex to be summed up in a single word!

Over-generalization

This is when we use words like “always” or “never” to describe situations or events. This type of thinking is not helpful because it does not take all situations or events into account. For example, sometimes we make mistakes, but we don’t always make mistakes.

Mind-reading

Sometimes when we believe that we know what others are thinking we assume that they are thinking the worst of us. The truth is that no-one can read minds, so we do not really know what other people are thinking!

Black-and-white thinking

This happens when we only look at situations in terms of extremes. We assume that things are good or bad, a success or a failure. But, in reality, most events call for a more “moderate” explanation. For example:- cheating once on your diet does not mean you have failed completely. You had a small setback, and all you need to do is to get back on your diet tomorrow

Fortune-telling

I have personally got a number of clients to whom this type of thinking applies. This happens when we predict that things will turn out badly. But, in reality, we cannot predict the future!

Another way we can get ourselves into troubled waters is not challenging our thoughts.   You can do this quite simply by asking yourself “Would I say this to a friend of mine?” 

If the answer is absolutely not! Then why would you speak to yourself that way.

Some ideas you can use to help you raise your self esteem

Talk to yourself in the 3^rd person

Instead of saying “I can manage this situation” say “insert your name you can manage this situation.”

Remember this

Feeling hurt or upset does not mean that you are bad. Feeling uncomfortable does not imply that there is something wrong with you!

A feeling is simply that – it is a feeling

Please recognize that accepting and managing certain feelings can be difficult, especially when we don’t know how to do it.

Building our self-esteem by changing how we treat ourselves can be challenging.

So if you feel that the tips mentioned here are not enough to help you build your self esteem on your own, or you would like to see positive results faster, consider working with a specialist coach or counsellor.

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About Dave   

As the founder of The Blue Sky Company I am dedicated to building a business that:-

“Inspires and Empowers people to create Lasting change”

I am a coach; speaker; radio presenter; therapist and co-owner of The Crystal Spring – a virtual light centre. 

My therapy work includes music therapy; crystal therapy and Reiki (qualified Master / Teacher).  In addition I am currently studying towards a Practitioner /Master’s qualification in Mindfulness.

If you would like to know more but would prefer a more confidential approach then please email to:-

underblueskies@zoho.com

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Have a fantastic day, live a life of Passion and Power.

And above all

Don't Predict The Future - CREATE IT!

DAve x

P.S.

The electronic version of my Under Blue Skies Workbook costs just £7.50 and is available to download.  A print version is also available at £13.99 + shipping.

Just follow these 3 simple steps to get your copy and begin to make serious changes in your life

1  Email me (including the shipping address for the print version)

2 Arrange a PayPal payment of £7.50 or £13.99 + £2 shipping

3 If the electronic version is required then please follow the download link I will send you .

For those of you who would like to get a feel for the sort of things the workbook contains I have devised something called the Mini Goal Pages

This is free to download pdf file that is a “no cost” supplement to the workbook.  To get your copy all you need to do is follow this link to download the file to your computer.  You can then print the current month’s page and begin working with it immediately.

DAve