Today’s post shares some
thoughts and ideas about how you can be assertive.
The Collins dictionary
defines “assertive” as follows:-
“confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's
views”
There is a
commonly held opinion that standing up for yourself can be particularly hard,
however it is my belief that it is possible for people to learn how to be
stronger and that process is not too difficult if you use the correct language.
So here are
some thoughts about how you can call on your inner wisdom and strength to
achieve this without impinging upon or violating another person’s rights…..
Bring and
focus attention upon what can be done – “this is probably going to seem
difficult but taking that into consideration why don’t we….?”
Invite other
people to give their views upon the subject by asking open questions.
Use clear
communication such as – “I don’t have a preference about what we do……”
Use language
that illustrates clearly that you are expressing an opinion by saying “In my
view…….” or “I think that……”
Be clear about
what you want. For example “My
preference is ………”
And own your
feelings and ideas such as “I see the situation as being like this……”
You could
adopt a policy that states that “if I win then you win also” which assumes that
your rights are equally as important as someone else’s. It also shows that you are responsible for
your own actions, behaviour and the consequences of such actions or behaviour.
But really you
should steer well clear of those “I win / you lose” situations and its direct
opposite that is “I lose / you win”
Both of these
stances assume an element of hostility or a battle of some sort. On the one part the “I win” assumes that you
have to win to survive so therefore striking first is the best way to defend
yourself.
Putting “I
lose” first creates an assumption that your needs are less important than those
of the other person. You are anxious or
unwilling to stand up for yourself so you make the other person feel guilty.
So in
conclusion Assertive Behaviour shows that you are able stand for your rights in
ways that do not violate the other person’s rights and it is my belief that
working in this way will ultimately bring a solution that is good for everyone.
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About Dave I am a coach; speaker; radio presenter and founder of The Blue Sky Company. I am also a therapist and my therapy work includes music therapy; crystal therapy and Reiki. Currently I am studying towards a Diploma in Mindfulness
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