Wednesday 24 April 2019

5 Steps To Help Change Your Feelings


AddPhoto by Gabriel Matula on Unsplash

Following on from my recent post on Mindfulness I was researching something that could continue the theme I had already set in place.  So hopefully this piece will do just that.

If you follow the steps that I will outline here then you can change your life around.  This is not just a “maybe” but a very definite “you can begin to control your feelings and by doing so your life will change”. 

Let me ask you this – if you were able to manage your feelings what effect would that have on your life?

What causes our feelings?

Serious question and to be honest the answer is – YOU DO!

Every single feeling you have ever felt is completely down to you.  That goes for anger, doubt, regret, love, jealousy – you have chosen to feel those things in the moment you feel them.

Each and every feeling you have (day or night) is controlled by a thought! And every single thought you have is directly responsible for creating your feelings – and that is something that will affect the whole of your life.

Let me assure you that there is a whole lot of science behind this!

This is clearly shown in the self – coaching model below that was devised by Brooke Castillo

Thoughts lead to
Feelings that lead to
Actions that lead to
Results

And therefore we can create any feeling that we want irrespective of the facts because it is how we process the information that determines what we feel.

So at this point let me ask a question :-

Why is that people in poor (poverty stricken) countries can be just as happy (or perhaps even happier) than some of the world’s most successful business people?

The answer is because they have thoughts that align with their feelings that they want to create.

So if you would like to learn the steps that can help you change your feelings then grab yourself a pen and paper and let us make a start.

Step 1
Write down in single words exactly what you are feeling right now (some examples to help you could be fear, anger, shame and so on).  You might find this hard at first - but this is actually a natural situation.  Try to realise that all the feelings we have are just vibrations in our body.

Pay attention to each part of your body and notice what is happening there, keeping in mind that some of the feelings / emotions can be hard to acknowledge.

“The only way to create the feelings that you want is by acknowledging the ones you are having right now!”

Step 2
Now that you have recognised the feelings – check in with yourself and find out what thoughts are causing those feelings. 

By way of an example let us look at the feeling of “Guilt”

And as a result of our internal examination we discover that the thought creating the feeling reveals itself as

“I am a bad parent because I do not spend sufficient time with my children!”

I will just add here that many people have a problem with doing this and my advice would be keep at it because it does become easier.  It is hard to come face to face with your thoughts but there results can be so rewarding.

Step 3
The next step is to write down a list of what it is you want to feel.  Use single words to create this list and they should be feelings that you want to feel now.

Maybe you want to feel confident or persistent or even excited.  You can actually choose any feelings that you want.

Step 4
Now you have to decide what thoughts you need to have to cause you to feel those feelings.

Using “Excited” as an example, the thought you could have might be “I am excited to be going to the fair on Saturday because I will be riding The Waltzer”

However, make sure that you take your time over the choice of wording and don’t rush just to get it done.  Intentionally repeating this phrase daily cannot help but heighten the excitement you will be experiencing.

Step 5
Believing the thoughts requires practice but the process of doing so is very simple.

You really just have to follow the process every day until you believe the thoughts and create the feelings that you want.

However we have used a simple example above some other changes do need you to stick at it on a daily basis – changing your thoughts and creating new feelings may appear hard but it is well worth the effort

So to summarise take time every day to:-

Write down you present feelings

Write down the thoughts causing those feelings

Write down what you want to feel

Write down the thoughts you need to have to make those feelings a reality

Believe the thoughts and repeat them every day

In the interest of balance
It is worth noting that there are certain feelings that your brain will say are necessary for survival, but I contend that these feelings are actually stopping you creating the results that you seek in life.

These feelings can be identified as:-

Fear
Doubt
Anger
Jealousy
Overwhelm

So if you spot any of these feelings lurking around remember that you need to maintain your focus on the useful feelings in order to create the results you are seeking.

And finally:-

Working with this concept has worked for me many times and I encourage you to stick at it because the more you do it the better your life will become.

This technique has the power to change your life – what will you do with it?

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My 28 page 2019 Workbook containing lots of Personal Development tools is now on sale.  


This book is only available by placing a direct order with me    

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Business Developer / Coach Emma Kersey said this about the 2018 Workbook

"Sorry I didn't get round to fully utilizing the e-book but please know that just reading it helped massively........... just needed a push and the book did that so thank you"


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About Dave   I am a coach; speaker; radio presenter and founder of The Blue Sky Company.  I am also a therapist and owner of a virtual light centre called Rainbow Bridge.  My therapy work includes music therapy; crystal therapy and I am qualified as a Reiki Master / Teacher and currently studying a Colour Therapy course,

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