There comes a moment in everyone's life when they realise that they are getting older.
It could be when you realise that your boss was born 20 or 30 years after you, or for ladies it could be when your hairdresser says to you that a shorter style would be more suited to you, or worse still, a friend comes to you and says that he or she has had some bad news and it has been confirmed that they have Cancer!
It is however, a fact that cancer can strike at any time and it has no respect for age or gender and we often find that we break and cry (or at the very least express that we are so sorry or various other platitudes). This is often the time when we are needed the most and it is the time to stand firm and be there for that friend, being supportive!
It is a fact that there is no right or wrong way written down as to how we give that support it is just a case of "doing the best you can" for them. We often take our presence on earth for granted but when someone gives you this news the comment "fighting for their life" takes on a whole new meaning and perspective. Even those "normal things" that we take for granted - seeing the sunrise or going out to dinner or going to the pub can be a struggle BUT it is important that the illness should not be their primary focus.
It is possible to adopt a lifestyle that provides diversity and keeps as close to "normal" routines as possible such as a "messy" Friday night out with the lads or girls could become fun Friday night in doing silly things and having a drink etc. but accepting that bedtime may come a couple of hours earlier. The watchword should be keeping life as close to normal as possible for as long as possible.
If you are a "fixer" then you have a accept that there is a limit to what you can fix and the situation is probably pushing that limit. I would suggest that this is pretty difficult to accept you are not some form of Superman or Wonder Woman, you will doubtless feel totally useless but do not succumb to the temptation to fade into the background instead keep turning up, however difficult that may be.
You can still be supportive and can offer to drive them to places instead of allowing them to catch a bus, or help them take a visit to the hospital.
Being there for them is probably the most important of all these things, be truly present in conversations with them. Let this situation be a learning period for you because you really do not know if the chance will be there tomorrow or the next day.
So be engaged, make the most of the moments you can share together and be there. It really is that important and I believe that you will never regret that time spent together.
Based on an article by Harriet Minter
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About Dave I am a coach; speaker; radio presenter and founder of The Blue Sky Company. I am also a therapist and my therapy work includes music therapy; crystal therapy and Reiki. Currently I am studying towards a Diploma in Mindfulness
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