BEING ASSERTIVE
This week I decided that I would write a short piece about being assertive. It is my belief that standing up for yourself can be hard - but there is a way to learn how to be stronger in your approach!
It is important to get your point across to the other person. However, there are many ways that you can do this so here are just a fewa) Focus on what can be done - say something such as “I understand that it must be difficult for you but we can take that into account when we look at what we can do”
b) State what you want using some words such as what I would prefer is this........
c)Take ownership of your ideas and feelings and viewpoints And you can do this by using the phrase “this is how I see the situation....”
d) Do not focus on opinions but use behaviour and facts such as “When I saw you do…”
e) Make clear statements for example “I don’t have a preference for what we do…“
f) Create a habit of asking open questions - the type that invite the other person to give their view
g) Make sure you focus on what can be done by saying “I know it must be difficult, but we can take that into account…“
It also helps to use the following as ideas:-
Avoid falling into the I win / you lose trap - this view tends to indicate that we live in a hostile place and that the way to survive is to be the stronger person, to strike first because "the best form of defence is attack"
Conversely avoid falling in to the you win / I lose trap because this makes the assumption that your needs (when compared to others) are not as important. You appear to be anxious about standing up for what you want so you make other people feel guilty or sorry for you
So the best thing to do is to adopt the I win / you win situation. This way acknowledges that each persons rights are equally as important as everyone else’s! You are responsible for your own behaviour and the consequences of that behaviour
And that brings us to the end of the short piece on being assertive it can be hard to stand up for yourself but you can learn to be strong.
(Based on a piece entitled "Be Assertive" by Suzanne and Conrad Potts)
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About Dave I am a personal development coach; a therapist; speaker; and radio presenter. A number of years ago I founded my coaching practice and although it has gone through various incarnations the core of Altered Image Coaching has always remained the same to help and encourage people to live their best lives.
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