Love
Conditional v Unconditional
Recently I became an observer to a conversation between two people and they were talking about two aspects of love conditional love and unconditional love. The discussion lead to an exchange that revealed one of the participants in the discussion had had a parent who would often say things like "if you don't do that I will not love you" can you imagine how that felt to a young child?Now, we often hear the phrases "conditional love" and "unconditional love" but do we really know what they actually mean?
They are often used in everyday speech and it can prove difficult to determine which is which. Most of us have some kind of event that will teach us about one (or the other) type of love and the result of this is that we can often get confused.
It takes a lot of practice to gain an understanding of the differences between unconditional and conditional love.
So let’s begin by asking the question
What actually is conditional love?
I think we can safely say that conditional love isn’t a very nice thing! It doesn’t feel very nice, in fact, quite often, it doesn’t feel like love at all!
I think we can safely say that conditional love isn’t a very nice thing! It doesn’t feel very nice, in fact, quite often, it doesn’t feel like love at all!
If someone exercises conditional love they put terms and restrictions on us and they have their own rules about what merits the giving of love.
To put that another way a person can have great affection for you, can care for you deeply but if it feels to you that you have to earn their love than that love without a shadow of a doubt is conditional.
It is my belief that conditional love often goes out of the window during difficult times. This is sometimes called “Fairweather Love” and that means that your partner, your friend or even a family member, walks away when the times get tough.
Conditional love is not a tried and true love, it often causes deep pain for those who receive it.
To put that another way a person can have great affection for you, can care for you deeply but if it feels to you that you have to earn their love than that love without a shadow of a doubt is conditional.
It is my belief that conditional love often goes out of the window during difficult times. This is sometimes called “Fairweather Love” and that means that your partner, your friend or even a family member, walks away when the times get tough.
Conditional love is not a tried and true love, it often causes deep pain for those who receive it.
If you find that someone is making you feel unworthy of their love when times are at their darkest this person is providing conditional love and that is completely opposite to the very definition of love.
So what is unconditional love?
So what is unconditional love?
It is very difficult to describe but, to put it simply, it is love without limits, without barriers and without any conditions attached to it!
For example, it doesn’t come with “I will love you if…” or “I’ll only love you when you change the way you behave”
On the contrary - there are NO boundaries to unconditional love, there are no debts to unconditional love, there is no charge to unconditional love!
Unconditional love is not an exchange it is freely offered and given!
You could also say that unconditional love heals deeply, and the reason for this is that it generates feelings that we have been seen and have been accepted for who we are, despite how difficult the times may be.
In conclusion I believe that possibly the most important statement on this subject is:-
In conclusion I believe that possibly the most important statement on this subject is:-
"you cannot practice unconditional love until you have learnt to Love yourself unconditionally".
ooo000ooo
About Dave I am a personal development coach; a therapist; speaker; and radio presenter. A number of years ago I founded my coaching practice and although it has gone through various incarnations the core of Altered Image Coaching has always remained the same to help and encourage people to live their best lives.
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Life Coaching (Honours Diploma)
Music Therapy (Diploma)
Crystal Therapy (Practioner)
Reiki (Practitioner)
Dementia Awareness
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Introduction To Mindfulness
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