Self
esteem is the relationship that you have with yourself, you might say it is the
way that you talk to yourself behind closed doors, where no-one can hear you.
How
do you talk to yourself? Are you kind to
yourself? Do you talk to yourself
respectfully?
So
let us look a little more deeply at some of the rubbish that we allow ourselves
to say internally.
Listen
closely to how you talk to yourself. Do you call yourself names or bury
yourself in ‘should’ statements? There are many dysfunctional ways of thinking
that we call all be caught by. It is important to avoid the most common
thinking traps that I have listed below:-
Should, Must or Ought
You
tell yourself how you “should”, “must”, or “ought” to feel and behave. However,
this is NOT how you actually feel or behave. The result is that you are
constantly anxious and disappointed with yourself and/or with others around
you.
Imagining Catastrophic
Situations
In
this scenario we always imagine that the worst possible thing is about to happen,
and predict that we will not be able to cope with the outcome. However, the
imagined worst-case scenario usually never happens and even if it did, we are often
able to cope with it.
Filtering
This
is when we only pay attention to the bad things that happen and ignore all the
good things we are filtering information. This prevents us from looking objectively
at all the aspects of a situation and drawing a more balanced conclusion.
Over-estimating danger
This
is when we believe that something which is unlikely to happen is actually right
around the corner. It is easy to see how this type of thinking can maintain our
anxiety. For example, how can you not feel scared if you think that you could
have a heart attack any time?
Labelling
Sometimes
we talk to ourselves in mean ways and use a single negative word to describe
ourselves. This kind of thinking is both unhelpful and unfair. We are too
complex to be summed up in a single word!
Over-generalization
This
is when we use words like “always” or “never” to describe situations or events.
This type of thinking is not helpful because it does not take all situations or
events into account. For example, sometimes we make mistakes, but we don’t
always make mistakes.
Mind-reading
Sometimes
when we believe that we know what others are thinking we assume that they are
thinking the worst of us. The truth is that no-one can read minds, so we do not
really know what other people are thinking!
Black-and-white thinking
This
happens when we only look at situations in terms of extremes. We assume that
things are good or bad, a success or a failure. But, in reality, most events
call for a more “moderate” explanation. For example:- cheating once on your
diet does not mean you have failed completely. You had a small setback, and all
you need to do is to get back on your diet tomorrow
Fortune-telling
I
have personally got a number of clients to whom this type of thinking applies.
This happens when we predict that things will turn out badly. But, in reality,
we cannot predict the future!
Another
way we can get ourselves into troubled waters is not challenging our
thoughts. You can do this quite simply
by asking yourself “Would I say this to a friend of mine?”
If
the answer is absolutely not! Then why would you speak to yourself that way.
Some ideas you can use to
help you raise your self esteem
Talk
to yourself in the 3rd person
Instead
of saying “I can manage this situation” say “insert your name you can manage this situation.”
Remember
this
Feeling hurt or upset does not mean that you are
bad. Feeling uncomfortable does not imply that there is something wrong with
you!
A feeling is simply that – it is a feeling
Please recognize that accepting and managing
certain feelings can be difficult, especially when we don’t know how to do it.
Building our self-esteem by changing how we treat ourselves can
be challenging.
So if you feel that the tips mentioned here are not enough to
help you build your self esteem on your own, or you would like to see positive
results faster, consider working with a specialist coach or counsellor.
ooo000ooo
About Dave
As the
founder of The Blue Sky Company I am dedicated to building a business that:-
“Inspires
and Empowers people to create Lasting change”
I am a
coach; speaker; radio presenter; therapist and co-owner of The Crystal Spring – a virtual light centre.
My
therapy work includes music therapy; crystal therapy and Reiki (qualified
Master / Teacher). In addition I am
currently studying towards a Practitioner /Master’s qualification in
Mindfulness.
If you would like to know more but would prefer a more
confidential approach then please email to:-
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Have a fantastic day, live
a life of Passion and Power.
And above all
Don't
Predict The Future - CREATE IT!
DAve x
P.S.
The electronic version of my Under Blue Skies Workbook costs just
£7.50 and is available to download. A print version is also available at £13.99 +
shipping.
Just
follow these 3 simple steps to get your copy and begin to make serious changes
in your life
1 Email me (including the shipping address for
the print version)
2
Arrange a PayPal payment of £7.50 or £13.99 + £2 shipping
3 If the
electronic version is required then please follow the download link I will send
you .
For
those of you who would like to get a feel for the sort of things the workbook
contains I have devised something called the Mini Goal Pages
This is
free to download pdf file that is a “no cost” supplement to the workbook. To get your copy all you need to do is follow this link to download the file to your computer. You can then print the current month’s page
and begin working with it immediately.
DAve
