Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Thoughts On Communication.



Thoughts On Communication




Hi it's Dave and this week I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on communication 

In Britain today there are some 64 million people all running around thinking, and those 64 million thoughts at any time are shaping 64 million dramas and helping to create 64 million destinies. Now I ask you this question - with all those thoughts trying to control things is it any wonder that the UK is in such a turbulent mess? 

Never before in the history of mankind have we humans done so much thinking.

We are living in an “experiential” world.  Everyone wants experience and they want it now!

This constant search for experience has created a whole new industry called quite simply “experiential marketing”.

No longer is it sufficient to run a 30 second radio advert or TV commercial!  There has to be something more, something deeper. The seller has to create a multi- dimensional strategy, otherwise they will fail to bring their new product to market in a successful way.

This demand for experience has recently been illuminated by the phenomenal growth of the Blogging industry.  No longer is creating a simple advert and sitting back acceptable – today’s consumer is looking for additional experiences of the product hence the growth of diverse media platforms such as You Tube; Twitter; Pinterest; Snapchat and Instagram to name but a few.

It would appear that the majority of these newly devised experiential marketing companies who are now self appointed specialist in branding are exclusivy controlled and run by women and this prompts the question why?

In response to this question I am prompted to say that the reason women seem to excel in the experiential marketing industry is simply because they are excellent communicators.

This leads me to my next point which is - what is the purpose of communication and why do we communicate with each other? To get some answers to this I conducted a brief survey and from the results I was able to compile a list.

The list goes :-

to learn 
to connect 
to express feelings 
to get something done 
to express fear
to make ourselves understood 
to not be alone
to promote understanding
to make decisions 
to inform
to resolve conflicts
to meet social needs
to persuade

So let us drill down into each of these and see if we can discover the commonality between each answer 

To learn - why? 
We want to gain more understanding -why? 
so that we can feel good about ourselves.

To connect - why?
to relate with another human being - why?
To share the experience of connection - why? 
to feel good.

To express feelings - why?
to rid ourselves of anger - why?
to feel good.

To express love - why?
to gain love back - why?
to feel good.

To get something done - why?
to feel good

So maybe you can see where this is going. The essence of communication is most likely the desire to feel good about oneself.

As part of my research I also spoke to a number of people about my theory and the majority understood where I was going and what I was talking about,  

BUT there was one particular lady who decided that whilst it was possible that communication at sometime was designed to help us feel good.   There were other times, and this is where she began to quote Eckhart Tolle at me, where “the pain bodies” as she put it, take over and then it was impossible to feel good.

I began to explain to her that my belief was that the theory of pain bodies stopping you feeling good was not quite correct. The whole purpose of pain bodies is for them to make you feel pain and if that is correct then they will feel good at making you feel pain. 

So then the purpose of communication is the opposite of making you feel good and is to make you feel bad.

This process, in turn, makes the pain body “feel good” so that is confirming my theory that the purpose of communication is to feel good.
Now let us take a look at inter-personal communication!  

There is something very dangerous that we can utilise to hurt another person and that is our mouth.

All the parts of the body get weaker as we grow older with the exception of the mouth – as we all know old people can talk for ages and their mouths never seem to get tired. 

However we often find that we don’t talk properly – to get things done we have to learn how to talk to people skilfully, in a way that creates peace and harmony.

We must learn NOT to talk too much because this can create problems for other people.  I am sure you have heard the phrase “Empty vessels make the most noise”.  Naturally, it follows that if you talk less then you listen more.  So this prompts a question

How many people actually know how to listen effectively?

It is important to make sure that when you talk, someone is listening and similarly when someone else is talking, you are listening.  Silence is very important because it is through being silent that we learn the most.

If you want to create a strategic advantage when someone has been scolding you – just allow a gap of 20 to 30 seconds after they finish speaking before you say anything.  This time will force them to reflect on what they have just said. Used properly silence is an extremely powerful too

Silence = Mindfulness / Awareness / Sensitivity

Establish Kindness before you speak

This brings forth so much more from other people.  The other person realises that they are being valued and listened to.  It is a fact that if you continue to see good things in someone eventually they will begin to see them in themselves.  Use the right time and place to give praise!

Children

Have you ever listened to children talking together – it is often critical and some would say – hurtful.

Have you ever listened to the way teachers talk to children? – it is often critical

Have you ever listened to parents talking to their children? – it is often critical

As a result children hear so much criticism and such little praise is it any wonder that they disappear to the solace of their own room and take comfort in cyber love?

It is often the case that a child has so much criticism and pressure, that they have dimished self esteem and consider themselves to be lacking in self worth.

As adults, there are several  things that we can do to help ease that situation for our children.

We can   

Make an effort to praise them
Respect them and their right to privacy
Ask for and then respect their viewpoints on things

Keep a note of how many times you actually praise your children compared to how many times you criticise them and point our their faults.

The watchwords here are Praise / Respect / Kindness

And now, one final point on this subject of Communication –

Gossip should be a No Go Area – “If you can’t say something nice – Keep Quiet”

                    ooo000ooo

If this post has prompted any questions, then please feel free to add them as a comment in the box below or to email me:- underblueskies@europe.com

About Dave I am a coach; speaker; radio presenter and founder of The Blue Sky Company.  I am also a therapist and co-own a virtual light centre called The Crystal Spring.  My therapy work includes music therapy; reiki; crystal therapy

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DAve x

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