Wednesday, 9 September 2020

Dealing With Shyness






      Dealing With Shyness
         (a follow up to a 2017 post)







As part of my own Personal Development I have been thinking about a situation that I have in common with many people around the world. 

You see I am a person who displays natural shyness! 

This is really odd because for many years I have worked in various parts of the entertainment industry (singer / songwriter, radio presenter, tv presenter) and it feels so odd when I say that I do not like being “put on the spot”.  After all these years maybe it’s the flow of adrenalin that keeps me doing it, I simply don’t know!

So having done some more research I have compiled this list of 20 things that can help transform “a shrinking violet” into someone who comes across to other people as a confident person.

The first step to dealing with shyness is to Understand It! – What triggers it / What are you concerned with?

Shyness is often triggered when I am meeting someone who I do not know and the need to take part in the small talk that goes with such meetings.  I find that sort of thing a challenge because I simply do not know what to say!

Transmute yourself from being Self Conscious into having Self Awareness – understand that the world is not staring at you – be aware of what you are thinking and what you are feeling and adjust where necessary.

I tell myself that I can deal with this, yes I am sweating, my heart is beating faster than normal, but it is only for a short while, and it will pass

Learn your strengths – use this knowledge to your advantage

My strengths come from the understanding that I know how to relax myself, I can                control my responses and the knowledge that I am an entertainer (of sorts) so take a          deep breath and do what I do best!

Learn to like yourself and who you are – I already do!

Understand that it is perfectly ok to be different – I believe that being different is what      makes me interesting

Focus on other people and what they have to say -  It is not all about me, and I have learned to ask “interesting questions” – it is a good strategy to get the other person to talk about themselves, it takes the spotlight off you

Learn to control your breathing -  If it is rapid focus on your attention on your breathing to bring it to a slower, more even pace and rhythm

Move about and exercise

Visualise yourself as a confident person – Over time learn to take note of how you feel, what you see, how you stand, how you sit when you are in that state and replicate them as the need arises.

Affirm your new confidence and that you are an extremely capable and wonderful        person - Repeat a minimum of 10 times “I am an extremely capable wonderfully confident    person!”

Face the situation - It is highly unlikely that anything is going to happen that will injure, maim or even take your life so relax into the situation.

Accept - not everyone will love you, and that is OK

Get rid of any notions of “Perfectionism” – be natural

Stop applying the label -  “I’m shy!”

Practice knowing - what to say and how to think ahead

Put yourself on the line – Placing yourself deliberately into situations will help you to 
desensitise yourself to the fear

Relax - Breathe and move with grace

Do what is comfortable

Focus on the present moment – because really that is all that there is

Seek your success and note it down when it happens – in time you will be able to look    back over your journey and you will tend to wonder

 “why did I allow myself to be that way?”

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The (slightly) larger 2020 Workbook is now available!



To order a copy of the workbook please navigate to the Shopping Page

Business Developer / Coach Emma Kersey said this about the 2018 Workbook

"Sorry I didn't get round to fully utilizing the e-book but please know that just reading it helped massively........... just needed a push and the book did that so thank you"


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About Dave   I am a personal development coach; a therapist; speaker; and  radio presenter.  A number of years ago I founded The Blue Sky Company to enable me to develop my work in more ways.  In addition I am also a therapist and my therapy work includes music therapy; crystal therapy, Reiki and I am working towards a Diploma in Mindfulness.

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